I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
