Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
