Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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