Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
