I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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