oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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