i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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