Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
