So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
