They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
