At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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