After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
