So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
