..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
porn star boner night. come get it.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
