Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
