i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
