Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
They took my balls.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
