That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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