I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
