i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
