Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just high enough for therapy.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
