Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
