apparently the secret to your success is patron
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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