Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sorry about my life...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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