I saw his package. It spoke to me.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
