Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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