Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
