My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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