Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
