Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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