I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
