how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
