Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
