"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
