my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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