Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
