so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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