just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
