We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
