Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
All the doctor said was why
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
