you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
