Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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