i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
