I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She bit a glass in half.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
