I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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