the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
