I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
