it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
