You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize