i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
