he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
