i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
