i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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