I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
