Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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