you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
my being single is dangerous.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
