So drunk, too bad you don't want this
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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