WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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