did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
