Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
