if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
