1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Dick very happy bro
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
