Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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