I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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