I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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