A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize