She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
