No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
