Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
