Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
