I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize