So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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