My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
