Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
