The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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