He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
