Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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