Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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