I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize
