Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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