I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
