i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
