I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
