my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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