you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
