covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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