bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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