sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
