I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
