That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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