can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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