Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize