im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i think i have two assholes
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
