I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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