If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
