I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
