Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
