DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
