She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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