I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
