Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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