chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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