if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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