shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
birth control should be required to get into college
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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