I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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