smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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