its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize