im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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