Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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