I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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