im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
