When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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