Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
