Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
