Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We had sex on a dog bed..
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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