all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
