This dress was meant to end up on your floor
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
