you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I deserve to be covered in dicks
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
