apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
