I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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