Duck Duck Cougar?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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