we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
